This Pain Will Be Useful One Day
by piercek7
Summary: Post Breaking Daw *Spoilers* 12 years later...Jacob finds Nessie but everything has turned out differently
1. Chapter 1

I really enjoy days like this. I can sit in the sun, reading a book and not worry about a thing. Today, I wasn't reading as much as I was listening. I listened to the beautiful heartbeats of the Italians as they went about their afternoon chores. Yet, through the throng of relaxation, something different caught my ear. A new heartbeat, one beating so fast, I wasn't sure at first if it was even a heart.

Staring across the crowd in the piazza, I saw him. I instantly recognized him, but I couldn't place him at first. I was only lost for a second, then I knew the last time I had seen him; it was shortly after my birth. My ability makes it very easy for me to remember things. It's my gift. I instantly remembered our last encounter. I was only a few months old, which put me at almost a toddler, growth wise. I age quickly; it's another of my gifts. I remember my feelings about him; he was my guardian, my friend, closer than my uncles. But the Volturri killed him, my parents, my family, and my friends and took me to Italy. Yet there he stood.

Not dead Jacob. Alive Jacob.

All of my memories of him came rushing back. Every second in his presence, every word, every touch, all of it, rushing through me in a single whirl. All of my feelings and my sadness. Then I remembered the pain, the loss of him and my family. Feelings I had been taught to cut off. Zafrina had been by my side, choosing to protect me by joining the Volturri but she had taught me that the only way to survive would be to cut it off. She was my savior when I wasn't able to save myself.

At this moment I felt nothing toward him because I was so stunned to see him, alive. He looked magnificent. I didn't remember his beauty. I only remembered his warmth. His big, strong arms protecting me while the Volturri ripped through my mother's shield. Both of my parents, along with the rest of my family, died trying to save me. I didn't see very much because Jacob had shielded me with his body and then at some point, Zafrina had taken me, used her ability and showed me a giant meadow with flowers. When it was all finished, I was in Aro's hands and the only person I recognized was Zafrina. No one was left and I didn't know what had happened. Twelve years had passed. I had locked my family away in a small room in my heart and hadn't let them out since.

But here stood Jacob, ALIVE!

Does he recognize me? He was looking right into my eyes. I hadn't changed my expression, I didn't act as if I recognized him. But did he know me? I had been just a toddler when he had see me last but I had reached my full maturity five years ago, so I may only be 12 years old but I looked 27.

He moved with lethal grace through the crowd of people, and I was unsure if he was moving toward me or just maneuvering through the crowd. I was sitting in a café, which was a welcome escape, being the only member of the Volturri able to be in the sunlight, which also meant I was alone. No Zafrina to protect me from this apparition, no Jane to slow his progress, nothing but myself. I slowly put my book down and began to rise from my chair. He was definitely coming my way. I looked away from him and down at myself and noticed absently that I was wearing a long white skirt, a navy blue tank top and sandals. My hair was pulled back to tame the curls and keep people from staring at me. Not that I was a freak of nature or anything, but humans were often struck dumb by my slightly pale skin and unnatural beauty. He was less than a hundred feet away and I realized I had to make a decision. I either had to face him or run away as fast as my legs would take me. But he moved quicker than I had anticipated and the fact that I was in shock slowed me considerably, so I was forced to face him.

I stopped and turned to face him, my expression blank, though inside I felt fear and some other emotion I couldn't place. He stopped a few feet away from me, looking as if he were seeing the sun for the first time, as if he were finally a complete man. I didn't remember him ever looking this way before. He had always been happy around me; my mind's eye only ever saw his smiling face. Now he had a very pained expression and I was curious. The fear I had felt before was ebbing, now I was filled with curiosity.

He slowly took a step toward me, and I narrowed my eyes at him. Though he looked like my Jacob, I still didn't trust him. I quickly took a step back, bumping into the chair I had been sitting in. I could hear his heart beat; it was so fast I could barely discern the individual beats. I was so thrown out of myself that I needed to leave, to regroup, to get away from this trick my mind was playing on me.

Then he reached out his hand and touched my hair as if he couldn't believe _I _was real.

"Nessie?" He whispered after just barely brushing his hand over my hair.

I just looked at him with my same blank expression, I was afraid my voice would give my emotions away. He looked like Jacob, sounded like Jacob and he most definitely smelled like Jacob, but was it really him? The only way to find out was through Aro and I definitely didn't trust Aro.

"I can't believe your alive" His voice was barely a whisper, but I heard him loud and clear. All I could do was stare at him, my mouth agape, still shocked that this was happening. I didn't know what to do, I wasn't prepared for this.

"Who…are you?" I asked slowly, making sure that I could keep my voice under control.

"Nessie…it's me, Jacob"

"Jacob?" I said, shaking my head slightly and playing dumb, but the expression on his face when I said that would have broken a heart that was less than mine, instead an unnamed emotion ran through me, one I had never felt before.

"Do I know you?"

"Yes." Was all the answer he could choke out. I could hear his heart beat even faster if that was possible. He was getting upset, I could tell by his clenched fists. I took another step back, this time sidestepping my chair, giving me a clear path to run, if need be.

"I was there when you were born, Reneesme. I protected you and took care of you. I was your friend." His use of my full name shocked me. The last person to call me that was my mother. I froze where I stood. It's really him, it's really Jacob. My blank expression finally broke.

"Jacob?" I said in disbelief and I watched as relief cascaded over his face and through his body. He took another step toward me, and reached his hand to my hair again. It was as if he wanted to make sure I was real, not a ghost or a figment of his imagination. I flinched away this time, shocking him and myself. I didn't let anyone touch me, ever, not even Zafrina.

"I thought you were dead Jacob." I said slowly taking a step myself, only backwards, away from him.

"Nessie, I have so much to tell you. Oh God, it's been twelve years, six months, 4 days and 3 hours since I last saw you. I was driving myself mad. Deep within me, I could still feel you here, I felt you were alive, but there was never any proof. I've searched everywhere and once I got to a place, I felt as if I had just missed you. But when I arrived in Italy, it felt like a little part of me was back. Now, seeing you, I feel whole again." All of his words came out quickly but I heard each one. I understood what he was saying, because I had felt the same way. Not just about him, but my whole family. As if I were missing something just out of my reach.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

_As if I was missing something just out of my reach…._

Chapter 2:

Jacob took a step toward me and I shuffled back another step, coming back from my moment of weakness. I couldn't shake this hesitance I had, this was the only way I could survive, couldn't trust anyone. There was no way I was just going to open my arms and welcome him back. I barely knew him. The wall around my heart grew taller and I narrowed my eyes at him, still suspicious.

"Nessie, I know this is a lot to take in. I've spent every breathing moment searching for you without even the slightest sign that you were even alive but I just knew you were, I could feel it. I can't believe I'm looking at you right now, this is amazing." He says with a slight smile building on his lips and this look of awe in his eyes. He took another step toward me as if he were going to scoop me up in his big arms and hug me.

"Don't touch me." I sputter in a low growl, seconds before he can envelope me against him. "I swear if you touch me…" I couldn't help the panic in my voice, it's what I felt. There was no way he would ever get close enough to me to touch me. No one touches me.

"Whoa, it's alright, I won't touch you." He says with his hands raised, palms out in surrender. Taking a second to look around the piazza, he dropped his hands to his side and looked me directly in the eye, his expression warm.

"Is there somewhere we can go to talk?" He asks.

Fighting my urge to run, I just nod my head. Grabbing my bag and my book off the table, I looked around the piazza. They had been leaving me alone for quite some time now, no longer sending several clansmen to watch my every move. Once I hit maturity, it seemed that they no longer felt I was an unpredictable threat. Aro had then made the decision to allow me out during the day. I knew of a place where we could go and not be seen or found out. I skirted around the table to avoid close proximity to Jacob and headed out of the piazza the same way he had entered.

I lead us out of the piazza and down the lane and I headed for the city's edge. The amphitheater on the far east side of the city was so degraded that there was no shelter anywhere from the sun, a perfect place to go to get away from vampires during the day. It was also an easy place to defend myself if the need arose.

As we wound through the city I could feel Jacob's heat close behind me. I had forgotten just how warm he was. I had forgotten almost everything about him. This strange feeling washed over me. At that moment I felt as if I knew everything and nothing about him all at the same time, both of which scared the hell out of me.

I moved quickly through the city, trying to avoid any attention, which was difficult with all six foot five of Jacob lumbering behind me. As we came to the edge of the city, I turned down a long narrow alley that opened up to the amphitheater. The open air theater was my favorite place in all of Volterra. It was beautiful and secluded, two things I could relate to.

I walked over to where the seats used to be and stood there for a few seconds with my back to Jacob, afraid to turn around and find that I had been dreaming all along.

"Nessie?" Jacob said hesitantly. A wave of relief washed through my body, _Nope, not a dream_. Turning, I found him a few feet away, sitting on the remains of a bench seat. His hair hung just below his ears and there was a faint shadow of a beard on his chin as I finally took a good look at him. He was wearing a plain light blue, short sleeve, button down, linen shirt and tan shorts.

"God, I can't believe I'm looking at you right now. I just want to grab a hold of you and never let you go." He says with wonder in his eyes and a half smile on his lips. I just looked at him wearily, trying hard to hide the nervousness that was shaking my whole body.

"I'm sure you have questions, just like I do." He says, running his large hand through his shaggy hair. "I just don't know where to begin. Nessie, after all this time, I still can't believe you're alive!" He moves toward me again with his arms wide, unconsciously reaching out to hug me and I cut him short, put up both of my hands and jump back several steps.

"I get that you're shocked and all but I think you need to explain to me how you came back from the dead. Try starting from the beginning." I said calmly, easily disguising my trembling voice with one of suspicion.

His smile faded and he shoved his hands into his pockets as he began to pace. "That night twelve years ago had to be the worst night of my entire life. I've been trying to hard to forget it, but its part of my every waking thought. Nessie, do you remember that night?"

"Yes, every second, though I'm sure my memories are much different than yours, I _was_ just a child. Besides, Zafrina had forced me to envision sitting in a meadow of flowers until everything was over and everyone was gone." It wasn't difficult for me to recount my memories. I had locked my feelings away so long ago, that the memory of anyone who had loved me, was like a candle to a flame, only a moment of pain. I was used to pain though, I actually craved it over any other emotion.

"Oh god Nessie, I thought you were gone, the same as….as Bela and Edward. There was no sign of anyone left." Shaking his head as if to clear out the pain, he continued, "I'll start from the beginning. You were sitting on my back and I was ready to run, just as your mother had planned. At first it appeared that we wouldn't have to run, but out of nowhere that third member, the one who never said or did anything before, broke through Bela's barrier, leaving us all wide open to Jane and Alec. As I tried to leave, I couldn't, then Zafrina took you from me and I had to fight the other vampires. I backtracked into the woods where I was attacked by a group of vampires that were coming at us from behind. At some point I was knocked out and left for dead. When I woke up everything was on fire. I came across Seth as I was getting out of the woods and I dragged him to safety. He barely survived. I spent weeks looking for you and your family. Everything was destroyed. The entire forest was burned down. Nothing was left." He ended on a whisper, his eyes glassy as he remembered that night.

His story didn't help me very much. I knew everything that had happened that night for Aro found pleasure in retelling the story to me everyday until I turned 10. Everyday I was forced to listen as he told me about my mother's screams and my father's pain. As he described the deaths of Rose and Emmett, as he mimicked my grandmother's tearless sobs as her family was murdered. Everyday I was reminded that it was my fault, that they were killed because of me. That _I _should have died instead of them.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2:

**I just wanted to say thank you to all the reviews!! They keep me motivated, even though this story idea has been rumbling around in my brain every since I read Breaking Dawn. This is my first story too and I am having major trouble with my tenses so bare with me! Any constructive criticism is welcome!!**

Chapter 3:

I turned away from him, unable to see his pain, knowing that mine was locked away tight. I cleared my throat and turned back toward him, my expression blank.

"So how did you end up here?" I asked. He squared his shoulders at the tone of my voice and his face turned into a cold mask. I'm not sure what he had expected to find with me but by his general appearance, my lack of excitement was causing him pain. I could feel my eyes twitch involuntarily at the thought of causing Jacob pain, even if I couldn't help it. He pulled himself together after the memories faded and took a step toward me.

"I've spent the last twelve years wandering the continents. I don't know how to explain it but I just knew, deep down in my soul, that I needed to find you. No matter if it was a headstone or something else, I knew that I needed to find you, Nessie."

"Yes, but how did you end up _here_?" I asked impatiently.

"During my search for you I have also spent the last ten years trying to find more like me. Shape shifters, werewolves, Lycans, it didn't matter. After all that had happened, our pack had been reduced to just me and Seth. I wanted to know what else was out there. I had spent a few years with the Vilkacis in Latvia learning about what I am and what I may be capable of, I was making my way to Africa when I remembered Volterra. I didn't even have to think about it. I walked right into the city, and straight to you, as if it were meant to be." He said this last bit while searching my face for some sort of reaction. I wasn't kind enough to give him one. I didn't even blink.

"So what is your plan now?" I ask with no inflection. I struggled within myself at the thought of his answer. I knew without a doubt that this was Jacob. _My Jacob_. I had known him as a child, the memories were clear as day but they were memories through the eyes of a child, a newborn with complete trust in the entire world around her. Looking back at those memories, they are clouded by the life I was and still am forced to live. The happiness in his face is clouded by the bitterness of my fate. Deep in the pit of my stomach I felt the faint flickers of feeling. Jacob might leave now, after seeing the creature I have become. We stood there, looking at each other for several minutes. His face showed all of his thoughts and feelings. I recognized this as a weakness of his, one that I immediately catalogued to use against him later.

Taking another step toward me, the sadness in his eyes grew deeper and I didn't move away from him. He took another step closer to me, and my breathing got heavy. My fight or flight instinct was taking over and I rarely ran away so I was worried I might hurt him. Reaching a hand out to me bent his head closer to mine and, without touching me, smelled my hair. I froze.

"I just wanted to make sure you were real and…" Pulling his head back and looking me directly in the eye, his nose inches from my own, I could feel his breath on my skin, "and to just remember this, if all I have is right now, I want to remember everything." Dropping his arm and stepping back, he continues.

"I don't have a plan, Nessie. Whatever you want from me is what I am willing to give and more. Don't expect me to disappear; don't expect me to walk away. I've found you and I won't let you go."

Just as he said that, the church bells rang, signaling the end of the day. It also meant sunset. Looking up to the sky, I realized how late into the day it had gotten. They would realize something was wrong and send him looking for me. I had to get back but a part of me wanted to stay with Jacob, fill in the missing pieces and chisel away at the wall around my heart and soul. I turned panicked eyes to him.

"Things are rather complicated at the moment, Jacob. I'm not exactly free here. I assume from all of your travelling that you are aware of the Volturri? Well, that's my family now. Twisted and dysfunctional, yes but they are all I have ever known. Besides, we wouldn't want a repeat massacre now would we? How about you enlighten yourself some more and continue on your journey to Africa and leave me alone?" I knew the best thing right now and forever would be to make him leave and never come back.

"Not gonna happen, Nessie." He said with a slight smirk.

The bells continued to chime and I began to panic. If Aro found out that Jacob was here, he wouldn't hesitate destroying him and I couldn't stand for that to happen twice in my life. Looking at Jacob again, I dug up as much compassion as I could.

"Fine, I can see that you won't be swayed right now but you need to find somewhere to hide till dawn. You can hide at Santa Maria Assunta, near San Gimignano. There is a curse or something else ridiculous and Aro will not allow anyone from the Volturri to go there, you should be safe until sunrise. At sunrise, meet me in the piazza again. There is too much sunlight for anyone to be there. Now go!"

"Nessie, I…" He can't finish his sentence and he reaches for me, about the wrap his giant arms around my shoulders. I expect it but I can't let touch me so I push him as hard as I can and he flies back several feet.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME!! No one ever touches me…now go before I change my mind." I hissed at him as I watched him back away, that sadness back in the depths of his eyes. He turned and headed away from the city and I watched as he changed shapes, then I climbed up the hill and back into the city.

I was shaking so hard I could barely walk straight. A small flicker of hope burned in the pit of my stomach. I resigned myself to the fact that this was temporary, like everything else for all of eternity will be. But how was I going to survive when he was once gone? For the first time in 12 years, the thought of another day didn't sink my heart.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I reached the piazza before the sixth chime of the clock and found Zafrina waiting for me. She may have been the only one there for all the blending in she did. She towered over the little Italians that bustled around her. She had assimilated very well to this culture but she hadn't changed as much as I had. They weren't able to break her but she wasn't able to protect me either. She was the only person I could trust though, and that meant something.

"So where have you been? Wandering about in the amphitheater? If you aren't careful, Aro might take notice of you again…you know how that turns out." She said this in a motherly tone. She has never pretended to be my mother; she just tends to act like it sometimes.

"I know. I'll be more careful next time."

We started walking toward the underground entrance. I wanted more than anything to tell her what had happened to me today but I knew then it would be only a matter of time before Aro found out. I trusted her to keep my secret to herself, but she couldn't close her mind to Aro's touch, and I couldn't blame her for that.

We walked in silence, as we usually did, though I was preoccupied in my thoughts of Jacob. I had no idea what to say to him tomorrow. Twelve years spent under the oppressive thumb of the Volturri clan had taught me many things. No matter how many times I tried to run away, they found me and brought me back. Over a ten year span, I ran away one hundred times and every single time, they found me and dragged me back. Ever since the massacre of my family, there wasn't a single vampire or coven on the planet that would protect me or fight with me. Eventually I stopped running and accepted my fate.

You see, I was Aro's pet, an oddity for him to showcase, a one-of-a-kind piece of art. He gave me the best clothes, and jewelry money could buy and in return, I was to sit prettily and grow older so he could watch.

That night, twelve years ago, the Volturri found me and my family, expecting to find a hunger crazed child vampire. Instead they found a child, born from a human mother and vampire father. Never before had there been a child born from a vampire and Aro wanted complete control over me. Caius had wanted me dead, but keeping me under a very tight lock and key was sufficient enough for him. He knew Aro well enough to know the lengths he would go to in order to keep me. Marcus just wanted my parents dead, he could see the bond between them and the jealousy that raged inside him couldn't be contained. Marcus was known for his apathy ever since the death of Didyme, his wife, but the moment he saw my parents, he couldn't control his rage.

Aro continues to retell that story to me every chance he gets. How he watched Marcus rip both of my parents apart. The worst started when I was six and my ability became two-way, not only could I project my thoughts on others but they could project their thoughts on me by a simple touch. At which point I was given a first hand look at what Marcus had done, repeated to me over and over again out of some sick sense of pleasure that Aro got from it. That's when I started to run away at every chance I could get.

The Volturri policed the vampire world, they had been doing so for centuries, but there was no one strong enough or willing enough, to police the Volturri. So this is my life, in a glass box, on display for the vampire world.

"Ness?" Zafrina dragged me from my dismal thoughts as we exited the elevator.

"Hmm?" I mumbled in reply.

"It's time."

"Oh..." I said, turning to look at her. She had compassion in her eyes, which only made me angry. I didn't want her pity; I wanted her to accept things, just as I had accepted things. I was only able to retain one aspect of my parents' life, one thing that even Aro wasn't able to break me of. I wouldn't drink human blood.

Entering the main room, I was always forced to watch as the rest of the Coven partook of the tourists, in hopes that it would be just tempting enough to break me of my habit. It never did and it never would. I found my seat on a sofa, farthest from the main door, and waited. Aro, Marcus and Caius entered the room, and shortly after a group of tourists were brought in. Aro dropped a brief glance on my face but nothing more. It seemed he was growing tired of me.

"Welcome…" Was the last thing I heard, before I closed my eyes and replayed every memory of Jacob in my mind. I had never been able to block out the screams before but the memory of Jacob, carrying me on his back and running through the woods, it somehow got me through. I opened my eyes and it was over. As the Coven left the room, I followed Zafrina and headed to my bedroom. I was the only one with a room besides the human staff. I changed my clothes and lay on the bed.

This is my life, nothing more. There will be centuries to endure and I could not have anymore guilt on my conscience.

Why did Jacob have to return, just to find me here? Why did my eyes burn at the realization that I would have to make him leave me again? Closing my eyes, I drifted off in wait of sunrise.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

I stood just outside the piazza, out of sight, waiting for the sun to rise. I couldn't sleep, so I had spent the night with Zafrina, since she spent much of her time reading in the vast library the Volturri had accumulated over the centuries. When I was old enough, and I had enough freedom, she spent many nights teaching me how to read and write. At the age of two, with the mind and body of a ten year old, I grasped at anything that would teach me more about the world I was in. Unfortunately, I learned early on what my role in the Volturri clan was. But still, I spent night after night, scouring over pages of ancient texts, hoping for a glimpse of someone before me, someone just like me. I never found them and eventually I stopped looking.

Sitting with Zafrina, I passed the time rereading my favorite book, _Wuthering Heights_, for the millionth time, never actually seeing the words but really trying to figure out what to do about Jacob. My entire being had been torn between pushing him as far away from me as possible and grabbing him, never letting him go. It was such a strange feeling, to want something or someone so badly. The only other thing in my life I had ever felt this strongly about was my freedom.

Searching the crowd of morning gatherers, I could not see him anywhere. He was hard to miss, towering at almost seven feet tall, so I knew he hadn't arrived yet. Leaning back against the wall, I let out a long sigh.

"Good Morning" came a deep voice for right beside me, taking me completely by surprise. Without thinking, I grabbed his throat and shoved him up against the wall.

"Don't you ever sneak up on me like that, I could have killed you." I hissed at him in a low voice, shaking a little over the amount of force it took to control myself.

"Whoa, calm down, I just wanted to surprise you. I saw you here looking for me and I thought to find you first."

Letting go of him, I took a deep breath and turned my back to him. With shaking hands, I brushed my hair back from face and turned back to him, my head held high and my shoulders straight.

"We need to talk." Was all I said to him and I started walking past him and into the piazza. I still wasn't sure what to say to him. I lead him through the city and past the city walls to the forest beyond.

Once we were far enough into the woods away from the city, I turned back to look at Jacob. He was wearing the same clothes he had worn the day before, his hair was disheveled but his face was clean shaven. I stood there looking at him as if I was starving and he was a feast. I didn't know what to say or where to go from here so I just stood there; staring at him with what I hoped was a blank expression on my face.

"So, where do we begin?" He asked, running his hand through his hair and looking directly into my eyes. He moves to a fallen tree trunk and sits down.

"I don't know" I say, remaining in my spot, several feet away from him. It was as if my brain had ceased to function. All my planning from the last night just disappeared the minute he looked me in the eye. I didn't know what to do.

"Well, since I've already told you most of my story, how about you tell me yours. What happened all those years ago? Why didn't you ever try to find me?" He said leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, a grave look in his eyes. It was there again, that pain I had seen yesterday. It caused his eyes to darken and his soul to lay bare in front of me. His weaknesses were just laid out in front of me, as if he couldn't hide them from me. It made me uncomfortable and it made that something in the pit of my stomach twist again.

"Well, as you recall, I was just a child. Besides, I was told you were dead and I was forced to live here, with the Volturri. At which point, all my choices were taken away. The only person from that day that I ever saw was Zafrina. She and I have been living here ever since. She chose to stick by my side and watch out for me." Pausing and looking at him wearily, I continued "Why were you looking for me? Everyone was dead; you should have assumed the same about me."

"I know this may sound weird but I have a connection to you. I was there when you were born and the first time I wasn't by your side was when I lost you. Since that day I have felt this tugging inside, forcing me to look for you. Do you understand?" As he said this he rose and started walking toward me.

The closer he got to me the more I could smell him. I was always told that dogs smelled bad, but Jacob smelled wonderful. I wasn't sure if it was just him, or if it was because I was hungry, I hadn't fed in three days. Either way, I took a step back and looked around me. I realized that I needed to hunt. I looked back at Jacob, who was eyeing me curiously.

"I need to hunt." Was all I said and he just nodded in agreement. I took off running into the woods. I had worn shorts and a light t-shirt today to be less constrictive. I ran as fast and as hard as I could. I finally looked back to see that Jacob had changed and that he was now a wolf. We ran together but I hunted alone, in the opposite direction as him. He seemed to accept my distance from him.

I met him back at the spot we had started from, my emotions soothed by the hunt. I was able to focus and be logical. The only problem was his smell. I could still smell him as I had before and the same emotions ran through me. I knew I didn't want to drink from him but it was still a hunger in me I couldn't push away. I had never felt this before. I felt as if the ice inside me was melting just from his mere presence. I felt panic again and I took several steps back even as I felt this magnetic urge to move closer to him. We just looked at each other for a while, a half smile on his face as though he still couldn't believe I was in front of him, fully grown. I wondered if he could see the panic and longing in my eyes. I was good at hiding my emotions, even though most of the time, I didn't have any.

"Nessie, let's just get to the point here." He finally said, snapping out of his daze. I took a deep breath and a step forward.

"I am not sure what you want from me here, Jacob. I have a life here, one that I have been living for a very long time and you cannot just come here and expect to stay. Do you have any idea what they would do to you if they found out you were here?" I said this quietly and with as much control as I could muster.

"Are they keeping you here against your will? Because we could just go, leave it all behind. I could protect you." He said as he took a step closer to me. I realized now that were just a couple feet apart.

"Look, I am not leaving you ever again. If I have to live here for the rest of eternity, so be it. But I've found you and I won't let you go." As he said this he reached up his hand to my cheek. His need for me to understand was so strong that the instant his skin touched mine, I saw everything he was thinking and feeling. Gasping I jerked away from him, practically running back several feet. I saw _him_, his feelings, his memories of me, and his thoughts at this moment. All these things were running through his head and he forced them on me. I wasn't ready for that.

"You can't touch me like that Jacob." I whispered, barely able to hold myself up. I had to prepare myself for the emotions of others and it was always a shock to my system when I wasn't ready. I kept my emotions locked away for this simple reason. If I let someone know my feelings and thoughts through my touch, they found my weaknesses and used them against me. They would also inflict pain on me by their own thoughts and feelings. When a person is so consumed by anger and hate, their feelings are painful for me to endure. Jacob was filled with so much of something I have never felt before, that it was too much for me to bear. It was light, and overpoweringly pleasant, I had no idea how to react.

"I, I'm sorry Nessie. I just…I just…I don't know." He said running his hand through his hair again.

"It's fine." Straightening up, I looked him in the eye, completely in control. "So if you won't leave, what do you plan to do? What do you want from me?"

"I just want to know you, take care of you, be a part of your life. That's all. It will make me a complete man again. I can bring some light into your life." He said.

"I don't need you to protect me or take care of me; I have been doing fine on my own. Besides, if you stay here, I will be the one protecting you." I said the last a bit stronger, piercing him with my glare. It was already a struggle to take care of myself in this world, now I would have to protect him too. I had to make him leave, no matter how it made me feel.

"I think you should just continue on your journey and forget about me."

"You honestly think I could ever forget you Nessie? I'll let you think it over, decide what you want to do, just know, that I'm not going anywhere. Nessie, you're my family, a part of my soul. I know it's hard for you to understand right now but I will never leave you, no matter what I have to face." Hesitating, he took a step toward me but decided not to, turned, and headed out of the woods. I felt as if my world were crashing around me. I became desperate.

"Wait..." I yelled before he was out of sight


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

I didn't even realize I was going to say it until it came out of my mouth.

"Wait…" I yelled, then, catching myself I added in a whisper "don't go"

He turned and looked at me. His eyes searched my face and took in my appearance. I had actually started to move toward him, not even knowing it; I had actually made it half way there.

Again, that look in his eyes, it twisted my stomach into painful knots and I finally realized it was pain. He was in agony. He hid it well, but I could see it now, just like all of his other emotions, he was an open book to me.

"I have to show you something." Was all I said as I slowly approached him "I need you to understand why I want you to move on. As a child, I was able to touch someone and show them my thoughts. The older I got the more, well, special I became. I developed a power similar to my fathers. I am able to see anything that is inside a persons head, emotions, memories, thoughts, all through a single touch. It's more intense the stronger the feelings. When you touched me earlier, your feelings were so strong I didn't have time to prepare myself. I will always be prepared from now on. I want you to see a little of the life I have been leading, at which point I hope you will just leave me in peace."

With emotionless eyes, I looked up into his. I was standing inches away from him, struggling to control my reaction to his smell and his warmth. I slowly lifted my hand, and touched the back of his hand. I controlled all movements and thoughts I was showing him.

First, it was that night, 12 years ago. It was like waking up from a beautiful dream and finding reality to be a nightmare. I showed my journey to Italy. He saw the first time Aro used his powers on me. I skipped ahead a few years, showed him several of my escapes. I skipped ahead again, to a month ago, and the day to day life I live. He saw only what I wanted him to see, no details, just enough to understand my life.

I let him go, stepped back and opened my eyes.

"Nessie…I had no idea." His eyes glistened with unshed tears. To me it looked like pity. He was feeling sorry for me. I hadn't expected that reaction. No one felt pity for me, ever and pity from him only made me angry.

Before I knew what I was doing, I pushed him as hard as I could. He flew back several feet, slamming into a tree with a thud. Landing on the forest floor, he looked dazed. He recovered quickly but not quick enough to prepare him for my attack.

I pounced on him, throwing him back on the ground. My anger had me seeing red. I should have controlled myself but I just couldn't hold it back anymore. I was on top of him with my hands around his throat. He looked shocked but recovered quickly. I had no idea how strong he was.

He slammed me on my back with such force it knocked the breath out of me. He was on top of me, straddling my waist, pinning my arms to the ground. He thought he had me, but I surprised him once again. I kicked my legs up and managed to knock him off me, giving me the advantage over him once again. I quickly got to my feet and started to walk away. But he was quick and caught my shoulder.

"Where are you going? What was that about?"

I ignored him and kept walking, my breathing labored, and, heaven help me, I was sweating. I was so out of control, I wanted to get away as quickly as possible, but Jacob wouldn't let me. Just as I got a few feet from him, he grabbed me by both shoulders this time. I turned around, fist flying but he ducked. I struggled against his massive size, knowing, just like everything else, it was futile, but never giving up. Finally, Jacob found his voice again.

"Stop it, Nessie. What's the matter with you?"

I could feel his eyes on the top of my head. I spent so much of my life fighting. I fought every second of every day but I just didn't want to fight anymore, not Jacob. So I stopped, I sagged my shoulders and looked at the ground. This was my usual reaction once I realized I had no where else to run and no other option. Demetri had always relished whenever it got to this point. I actually think he would purposely give me hope just to watch me break.

The conflicting emotions inside of me were raging against one another. My brain was screaming at me to run, to get away, that there was no way anyone could save me. My instincts told me to trust him, and to never let him go. My past experiences told me that I should make him leave; anyone who has anything to do with me only gets hurt. So I crept into my mind and just waited. I waited while both of our breathing slowed and we just stood near one another. I prepared myself for the worst.

"I don't know what I did to deserve that, Nessie, but I'm glad it's over. When you're ready, tell me what I did wrong, so I will make sure never to do that again."

"Actually, I wouldn't mind doing that again. It just proves how much more skilled I am than you are, Nessie. You can't beat the champ." With that, my head shot up, a shocked look on my face. I couldn't control it, a smile started to tilt the side of my mouth. Shaking my head, I looked at the ground, then back up at him.

"I…I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"I do, I saw it when you had your hands around my neck. You were angry about something, I just didn't get a chance to see what, I only saw my own face." With that he started walking away from me again.

"Whe…where are you going?" I stuttered, ashamed of the events of the day so far. Normally, I was much more controlled, much more capable, but since yesterday, I was a wreck. Jacob's mere presence caused something inside of me to crumble. I didn't know what to do about it.

"I want to show _you _something now. Come on."


End file.
